Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
