my mouth tastes like poor choices
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
