I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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