No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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