Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
