i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
