i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
