You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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