Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize