I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
