I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone signed my nipple.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
