Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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