If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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