its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
