Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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