5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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