we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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