Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
