plz talk dirty to me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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