I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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