i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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