Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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