Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
