The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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