I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
