I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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