He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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