I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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