ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
