YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
