i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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