SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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