Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
