we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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