we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
