saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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