your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
