i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
