How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
