remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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