Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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