He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
