i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
