dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
