i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
