Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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