I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
