i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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