Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
