last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
