Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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