I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I could fuck to npr.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize