Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think my vagina is haunted
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
