'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
