i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
