So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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