I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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