I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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