your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
