Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
