Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
