I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
