I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't deserve a penis
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
