it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
