I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
