They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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