oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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