I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
