Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
cat food counts as protein by the way
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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