what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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