I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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