We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
