its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
