Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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