I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
