meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize