I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
