alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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