is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
