I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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