I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
