So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
