I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
