1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
