Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
