You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
