be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
