You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
