you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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