Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
