I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
