Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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