How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
