Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
